When a former lover asked me to describe myself, I always answered that I am simple and complex. This response, intended not to be facetious but rather to dichotomize my essence, reflects the coexistence within me of simplicity and complexity. This duality, I believe, is present in almost all socialized and experienced beings. Some lovers have gazed at me with perplexity, while others have tried to understand my answer in relation to their own complexities. Those who have truly understood were often artists or humanists, accustomed to accepting people as multilayered beings.

My interest in writing about this issue of eroticism and contradictions materialized after a close friend Nathalie visited from France and suggested a trip to Cape Cod. Having explored various parts of the Cape but not Provincetown, I suggested we venture there to discover new places together. The trip proved psychologically and amicably rewarding. We shared our philosophies and reflections on life and relationships, but what was unforeseen were the emotions and memories awakened within us while we were by the sea. We allowed ourselves to unfurl like waves, encountering different elements that reminded us of particular moments in our lives. As we say in Haitian, "Lanmè pa sere kras"—the sea does not hide dirt. The unfurling waves, the majestic sea, and the deserted beach with scattered dead logs provided a backdrop of our discussions.

What prompted me to the written word were not simply the shared memories, sentiments or revealed fears. It was our mutual reactions to the peculiarity and boldness of the town, which is primarily and openly homosexual, sparked my reflections on eroticism. Moreover, it is geographically located at the edge of the Cape and operating within the judicial as well religious realm of puritanical Massachusetts where the English Pilgrims first disembarked. In a sense, the town’s boldness, within the puritanical context of Massachusetts, intrigued us. However, what truly captivated my attention was the content and arrangement of items inside a shop on Commercial Street called “Shop Therapy.”

Exploring Cape Cod’s Shop Therapy

As we toured Provincetown, the colorful graffiti and painted characters adorning the building housing Shop Therapy caught our attention. Above the left front gate was a caricature of a naked top-half man and bottom-half monkey being spanked by a naked white woman, with the inscription in bold black letters, "Spanked the Monkey." Higher up, as I looked above that sign on the second floor, was another sign just on top of a sliding glass door which read: "Monsters Attack P-Town Shop Therapy Blamed," and above the main entrance, a large painting of a naked woman surrounded by an amalgamation of phenotypes.

The store’s exterior was adorned with characters like Darwin, Gandhi, Pope Jean-Paul II, Ronald Reagan and a multitude of other worldly figures. However, the walls were dominated by white women in various evolutionary and biblical contexts.  Intrigued by all of the trinkets that hung like vine from the ceiling, Nathalie and I decided to explore the store. Inside, we encountered an array of sexual paraphernalia that adorned the interior walls, and on the right center of the main glass door was a disclaimer proclaiming "SEX IS GOOD."

Knowing the culture of Province Town, seeing the sexual articles did not disturbed us one bit. In fact, they incited our curiosities. When we made our way to the front of the store where the jewelry cases were, we noticed on an upper shelf filled with statuettes of various religious symbols and gods. They had Ganesh, Buddha, Sorcerers, Witches, High Masonic Priests, Shiva, and Stars of David, as well as Catholic Crosses. It was this sort of amalgamation of symbolism and contradictory mixtures that could offend someone's sense of morality or religious values that I decided to reflect on the meaning and representation of the store itself as it pertains to a part of my own complexity and simplicity.

Inside the store, we were surrounded by statues, magazines, leather belts, straps, different sizes of combat knifes, sex dolls, candles, Rastafarian's wigs, amulets, rings, earth's stones, whips, handcuffs, a parrot and a large cage with three Boa Constrictors. Nathalie looked at me with this gaze of amazement and shocked and said: "My God, the Americans are crazy! All of these things in one store! ...Okay! So, they think the French are perverse! …Non! Non, the Americans and the Dutch have done it, they are pushing the world to extreme perversity. Sex, sex, everywhere is sex." She laughed to herself and kept walking around.

The amalgamation of religious symbols, sexual objects, and contradictory items in Shop Therapy represented the different facets of human lives and personalities. The store became a metaphor for the complexity and simplicity within us all. It embodied the multifaceted human personality, a warehouse of desires and contradictions.

As we moved around from one corner of the store to the next discovering more sexual paraphernalia, we started a philosophical conversation in French about perversity, human complexities and the existential importance of the store in Province Town. Then, I remember quoting bits and pieces of Octavio Paz’s essay on Metaphors. The essay is not exactly on metaphors per se, but Paz utilized metaphors as a medium to explore the issues around eroticism and sexuality. In his view, sexuality was general and yet simple, whereas eroticism was singular and yet complex. The singular-complexity of eroticism derived from its essence as being something that feeds on sexuality and is adorned by social objects or desires that are not regarded by “controlled” society as being “normal.” In other words, fulfilling one’s basic biological needs within a given religious/societal framework is permissible, hence simple; however, one’s sexual instincts and desires became the subject of regulations because of the “libertine” social function of eroticism.

In the book An Erotic Beyond: Sade, Octavio Paz claimed, and I concur, that “there is no doubt that eroticism is a social construct. It is made manifest in society, and moreover, it is an impersonal act that requires a participant and, at the least, the presence of an object, however imaginary. Without the Other there is no eroticism, for there is no mirror. That said, to affirm that eroticism is a construct, a social function, is to submerge its singularity into something general, which contains it but does not determine it” (1998, p.13). Interestingly, in Paz’s other book, The Double Flame, he expands on his views by claiming that eroticism “is, above all else, exclusively human: it is sexuality socialized and transfigured by the imagination and the will of human beings” (1995, p. 8).

Octavio Paz's assertion that eroticism is "exclusively human" speaks to its complexity and depth. While other animals exhibit sexual behavior, human eroticism is distinguished by its capacity for imagination, symbolism, and social significance. It is an integral part of human culture, art, and personal relationships, reflecting the broader themes of love, desire, and identity. Paz's exploration of eroticism reveals it as a multifaceted and deeply human phenomenon. By recognizing it as both a social construct and a unique individual experience, Paz offers a nuanced understanding that captures the richness of erotic life. His emphasis on the role of the Other, imagination, and will further underscores the creative and relational aspects of eroticism, setting it apart from mere biological sexuality. Through his work, Paz invites us to consider eroticism as a profound and integral aspect of human existence, shaped by society yet transcending it through the power of individual imagination and desire.

Those amalgamation of symbols in the store (Shop Therapy) certainly represented the different facets of human lives and personalities. Shop Therapy can absolutely be read as a metaphor, a fantasyland, a warehouse of complexities and contradictions as well as a place of supplies for the already existing voracious, timid or curious desires of those whose personality society tries to stifle or limit in a linear and classic fashion. Shop Therapy became the embodiment of a typical human being's personality that is at the same time complex and yet simple, or perhaps it is the other way around.

Nathalie saw eroticism as a necessary form of escape into a fantasyland where society and the mundane can unburden one’s existence. Yet, she was troubled by the extreme commercialization of fetishes and sardonic pornography. It was the extremity of the sexual objects offered by Shop Therapy that sort of repulsed her sense of “erotic-normalcy.” In reality, it was the enormity and bizarreness of baseball bat-sized double-headed dildoes that shocked us both. We posited about the “phenomenal” person or persons, who in his or her right mind would use such item. We also contemplated about the possibility that such a form of dildo could only exist as a form of farce-erotica. However, we promptly discarded such possibility due to the volume of its kind. Hence, we concluded that its utilitarian value has been exploited by a sector of the market while receiving legal sanction from the various regulatory establishments. Thus, Octavio Paz’s argument that: “a society of libertines is a safety valve,” becomes much more compelling and grounded.

The other factor that also impelled me to write this essay was our encounter with Laurent and his younger lover, Justin. Laurent was a middle-aged French gay man who politely interjected himself into our conversation for two reasons: curiosity and philosophical. On the one hand, he was surprised to see a young black, assumed, heterosexual couple speaking French inside Shop Therapy. And on the other hand, he simply wanted to comment on a statement Nathalie had made about the use of vibrators and huge black, rubber penises that a group of three gay women had purchased.

When Laurent overheard Nathalie's question and statement, he pleasantly excused us and presented himself and his lover to us. We chatted for a few minutes and then he briefly revealed his life story in an ultra-concise way: "In France, I was a priest for about six years when I realized that I was gay and wanted to be an openly practicing gay priest, and I was fortunately asked to leave the priesthood. A year later, I moved to New York and then to Massachusetts. I have been on the Cape for almost ten years and Justin and I are going on six blissful years of marriage."  As they held hands and fondly smiled at each other, we sincerely congratulated them on their union and seeming happiness, and then Laurent proceeded by clarifying Nathalie's comment, "You know, the use of vibrators is not a contradiction for a lesbian. Fornicating with another woman while using a Dildo, for some, is not an issue at all. You see, it is not the organ that is the problem, it is the body and the ways of relating sexually speaking with the opposite sex that is the problem. Of course, there are some lesbians who politically object to the use of vibrators."

We spoke for a while longer about the purpose of our visit to the Cape and Laurent asked Nathalie about life in his old city, Paris. Without hesitation, Nathalie was too happy to update Laurent on the various milieus she frequented and knew of. Apparently, the homosexual communities in and around Paris, as in San Francisco, have grown tremendously both in numbers and in political presence. In Nathalie’s view, the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender parade in Paris is one of the most organized and celebrated.

When we were leaving the store, I could tell that Nathalie did not change her opinion one bit about gay women usage of a fake male's organ. To her, one might as well go for the organic one. However, she expressed a very real human and Parisian contentment for meeting Laurent. She saw in him a descent human being who had to combat some of his own contradictions and dilemmas before arriving at a place in his life where he was at peace with himself. Giving up the priesthood, it seemed, was far less important than living a happy and non-closeted lifestyle.

Philosophical Musings

Octavio Paz, in his exploration of eroticism, delves into its nature as both a social construct and a deeply human experience. In An Erotic Beyond: Sade (1998), Paz asserts that eroticism is inherently a social phenomenon, requiring the presence of another—real or imagined. This perspective emphasizes the relational aspect of eroticism; it is through interaction with the Other that erotic desire and experiences are realized.

Paz's statement that "without the Other there is no eroticism, for there is no mirror" highlights the reflective nature of erotic encounters. The Other serves as a mirror, reflecting desires and facilitating the manifestation of eroticism. This relational dynamic underscores the idea that eroticism is not an isolated or purely individual experience, but one that is co-created through social interaction. However, Paz also acknowledges that while eroticism is a social construct, it possesses a unique singularity. To reduce it solely to a social function would overlook its distinctiveness. This singularity is rooted in the imaginative and volitional capacities of human beings.

In The Double Flame (1995), Paz further elaborates on this by asserting that eroticism is "sexuality socialized and transfigured by the imagination and the will of human beings." Here, Paz suggests that eroticism transcends mere biological impulses or social norms; it is an elevated form of human expression. The imagination and will play crucial roles in transforming raw sexuality into a richer, more nuanced experience. Paz's insights into eroticism reveal a complex interplay between the social and the individual, the physical and the imaginative. By recognizing eroticism as a social construct imbued with personal and imaginative elements, Paz provides a comprehensive understanding of its multifaceted nature. This dual perspective allows for a deeper appreciation of eroticism as both a product of societal influence and a unique expression of human creativity and desire.

Shop Therapy and Province Town were not simply mere metaphors and representations of sexual symbolism and perceived contradictions.  They actually became a beacon and an epiphany to a much bigger issue. Eroticism and contradictions are at the very core of almost every living being, and it is because of such complexities and contradictions that in almost every religion or sect there is some form of repentance and redemption. It is because of our complexities and contradictions, what psychologists refer to as neurosis, that we have adopted certain ethical, legal and moral laws to halt the frivolous nature of eroticism. “Eroticism is seen in history as it is seen in animal sexuality. Distance creates erotic imagination. Eroticism is imaginary: it is a shot of imagination fired at the exterior world and that shot is people themselves, arriving at their images, arriving at themselves (Paz, 1998, p.19).” It is because of those same issues that we tried to better ourselves through self-cleansing, spiritual uplifting or simply self-accepting. For Octavio Paz, and others would concur, rejecting ourselves is to repress one’s self.

As creative social beings who are constantly pushing boundaries, it is inevitable that erotic fantasies would be an essential part of our being-in-the-world. For some, this is natural integration, while others may fear their own sexual impulses. “Eroticism is one aspect of the inner life of man,” the French philosopher Georges Bataille claims. He goes on to write, that we “fail to realize this because man is everlastingly in search of an object outside himself but this object answers the innerness of the desire. The choice of object always depends on the personal taste of the subject.” (1986, p.29). Bataille's insight highlights the deeply personal and subjective nature of erotic desire. Our erotic fantasies and impulses are not merely reactions to external stimuli but are deeply rooted in our inner life, reflecting our unique tastes and desires. This inner aspect of eroticism connects us to our most profound, often hidden, aspects of self, revealing the intimate interplay between our inner worlds and our perceptions of external reality.

The human spirit encompasses a wide spectrum of experiences and potentialities, ranging from the ascetic, which involves self-discipline and abstention from indulgence, to the voluptuous, which celebrates sensory pleasure and indulgence. Despite these seemingly opposite ends of the spectrum, there exists a cohesive force within the human spirit that can integrate these diverse aspects. Asceticism and voluptuousness are often seen as mutually exclusive. However, they represent two poles of human experience. Asceticism seeks to transcend the physical and sensory world, while voluptuousness seeks to embrace and celebrate it. The human spirit has the capacity to explore and embody both extremes, finding a balance or integration between them. Shop Therapy, seems to me, as a boutique with multiple compartments, the perfect embodiment of the human spirit, complex and seemingly contradictory.

Our complexities and contradictions are the constant battles between the societal and the private masks that one circumstantially wear, while the "real" self is constantly being repressed or sought after.  As social beings, we are molded and shaped according to society's ideal, and when at the moment of self-awareness or rebellion, one privately deviates from the norm and begins to live in secrecy, or fulfilling one’s fantasy. In fantasy, because the erotic desires, however extreme, are kept private or repressed due to societal pressures, one tries to carefully choose one’s partner in duplicity to execute or fulfill one's true desire, sexual or otherwise; albeit, private. Because we are aware of the harsh judgements of society, despite the vast number of individuals who are involved in or fantasized about certain erotic and, what may also be considered, perverse acts, we often find ourselves concealing these desires.

In discussing perversion, I automatically ruled out illegal behaviors such as criminality, where one must keep secrecy to avoid penal punishment. Criminal acts such as pedophilia, mutilation, and other forms of physical abuse are excluded. Consequently, there are non-criminal erotic acts that fall under religious prerogative and “normative” group ethics, forcing one to maintain secrecy to avoid peer judgements and certain societal rejections. Our contradictions do not only reside in the erotic realm; they also manifest in the societal realm. For example, men who outwardly portray macho demeanors but who, in private, are soft and even indecisive. Men and women whose public sexual personas appear angelic and innocent-like, but in private are really masters of their own dominion to the point where they seem to be completely different personalities and vice versa.  “Certain minds are fired by the thought of turning the most securely established values topsy-turvy,” Georges Bataille asserts (p.179).

Expanding on Georges Bataille's quote, it becomes evident that the allure of subverting established values stems from a deep-seated desire to challenge societal norms and constraints. This desire is not limited to the erotic domain but extends to various aspects of human behavior and social interaction. By engaging in acts that defy conventional morality, individuals explore the boundaries of their identity and freedom. Such transgressive behaviors reveal the complex interplay between societal expectations and personal desires, highlighting the inherent contradictions within human nature. Ultimately, the act of subversion becomes a means of self-expression and a quest for authenticity in a world governed by rigid norms and values.

I once knew a young and beautiful British prostitute whose clients were primarily Ivy League faculty members and influential businesspeople in the Greater Boston area. She confided in me the details of some of the most erotic propositions those influential and outwardly conservative individuals paid her to perform from masturbation, erotic dances, role-playing, voyeurism, to sexual intercourse with one or both partners in a marriage or single individuals. Apparently, some of those faculty members felt more comforted and stimulated by her services than by their “normal” family environment.  She became their libertine social valve and, in a sense, their sexual therapist. For this part, Herbert Marcuse, another French philosopher, would assertively proclaim: “Being is essentially the striving for pleasure. This striving becomes an ‘aim’ in the human existence: the erotic impulse to combine living substance into ever larger and more durable units is the instinctual source of civilization” (1966, p. 175).

Marcuse's perspective suggests that the quest for pleasure, particularly through eroticism, is not merely a personal indulgence but a fundamental aspect of human existence that drives societal progress. In this context, the prostitute's role transcends mere physical gratification; she becomes a conduit for these faculty members to explore and fulfill their deeper, instinctual desires. These desires, often repressed in conventional settings, find expression and validation through their interactions with her. This dynamic highlights the inherent tension between societal norms and individual impulses, suggesting that the pursuit of pleasure and the breaking of taboos are essential to the evolution of civilization itself. Marcuse's assertion underlines the importance of recognizing and integrating these primal urges to achieve a more profound and holistic understanding of human nature and societal development.

While Nathalie and I were walking back on Commercial Street, heading toward the wharf, she inquired about the most bizarre erotic proposition I’ve had. At first, I laughed because her question caught me off guard. Then, I went through a self-censorship, or editing process before revealing what was private.

Although I was very comfortable with Nathalie, it took me a few minutes to dive into my memory and emerge with an erotic experience that I deemed appropriate and yet not too revealing. One of my lovers, let’s call her Tee, a very quiet, unassuming, and non-imposing person, totally shocked me when she proposed taking turns tying each other to the bed and sexually experimenting with each other’s bodies until one begged for forgiveness.

I always thought I was very open in my own heterosexual sexuality, but Tee’s proposition solidified a part of my limit. Philosophically, I told Nathalie, the act of tying somebody down run counter to my personal beliefs. I thought it would have been an objectifying act with limited participation. Consequently, I also pondered whether my refusal was not prompted by my own aversion to losing control as well as being fundamentally opposed to rape. The paradox in declining Tee’s proposition was not in imagining what the outcome would have been—pleasure; rather, it was the knowledge of having the moral discomfort that my pleasure, although consensual, would ultimately feed into somebody else’s pain and vice versa. It was the concurrent cohabitation of the temptation in receiving maximum pleasure while indulging in an act that ran counter to my own philosophy. Hence, by morally suppressing the physical duality of the pleasure-pain principle that the body desires, I limited myself to the societal frames.

In analyzing Le Marquis de Sade’s obsession with the pleasure-pain principle, Octavio Paz acceded: “In the realm of sensuality, intensity plays the same role that violence does in the moral world and movement in the material. The supreme pleasures and, let us say, the most worthy, are the cruel pleasures, the ones that provoke pain unite in a single cry the sigh and the scream (p.43).” Perhaps my trepidation was having the keen knowledge of losing myself in the realm of erotic pain to the point of it being violent. For it is well known, there is a level of ecstasy in violence, thus the prevalence toward masochism.

As social beings whose task is to function as scrupulously as one possibly can within the implied societal settings or contract while trying to satisfy the necessary individual and private needs as one could, it becomes literally impossible to satisfy two or more demanding masters: The Private, The Secular, and The Societal. With tensions arising between the groups’ morality, ethics, social etiquette, and the individual's desire for freedom and self-assertion through the subtle, if not secret, fulfillment of his or her curiosities, contradictions are bound to be firmly established due to the multiplicity of schemes to maintain face. With these inherent contradictions shaping the human experience, Octavio Paz poignantly captures the essence of this struggle:

To live is to live alongside our sickness, to be conscious of it, to transform it into knowledge and act. Our maladies are imaginary and real because reality itself is double: presence and absence, body and image. Reality, life and death, eroticism, in the end appear like a ghostly mask. That mask is our own true face (Paz, Sade; p.30).

In a sense, Shop Therapy is our own true face; it embodies the multiplicity of human desires, fears, curiosities, and obsessions. As I navigate through life's journey, I am constantly reminded of my own simple complexities that are both of thorns and roses. Perfection is a far-fetched concept since I am constantly discovering more aspects of myself and my personality. There are things that are set in my fundamental nature and characteristics; however, as I interact with others and compromise on certain beliefs or conceal some habits, I know that I am not static. Consequently, my non-static characteristics could be the very source of contradictions, since I do not interact or react in the same ways with everyone at a given period of time or in similar situations.

As we proceeded with our conversation, it became apparent that there were inconsistencies in some of our philosophical objections to certain erotic acts. For example, with another lover, Marie, I was willing to pursue the extremities of our sensuality and eroticism to the point of allowing the use of restraint. Fortunately, or not, our relationship severed when she had to suddenly relocate. Could it have been the case that my libido overcame the suppression of personal as well as collective values, granting myself the possibility of achieving infinite sensual-sexual eruptions? Or, was it simply a different level of trust and comfort that we exerted?

With our backs to the town and feet dangling over the Atlantic Ocean, we tossed pieces of bread and chunks of clams to a group of seagulls maneuvering around us. I pulled out my camera and photographed the agitated seagulls as well as the abrupt unfurling of waves crashing against the planks. With warm early fall weather, a clear sky, a pleased epigastrium, and engaging multifaceted conversations, I then suggested to Nathalie that she reveal some of her most bizarre erotic propositions. She looked at me and laughed; I knew her laughter was not directed at me but at the subject in mind. Indeed, as it was revealed, what her lover had proposed was bizarre and erotically imaginative. We both laughed with passion.

As it turned out, while they were vacationing in Guadeloupe, her lover who is an actor, proposed a surreal jungle scheme in which they would go for a sunset picnic in a deserted area overlooking an isolated beach. There, a few moments after dinner, he would disappear in the woods, and she would change into a negligée and pretended to be asleep. Meanwhile, he would come back dressed in a tiger’s suit, groaning, growling, and sniffling around the place until he, the tiger, mistook her for food and started to hungrily devour her. Excited, she would then satisfy his ferocious appetite and proceed to metamorphose him into a passionate and docile man.

His fantasy of leaving the state of manhood and entering one of the animal world was rejected by Nathalie on the grounds of not knowing the real transgressive power of her lover while pretending to be a ferocious animal. Furthermore, being a student in magnetism and psychotherapy, she became doubly cautious of embodying the characteristics of a pretended other. According to Octavio Paz, “erotic imitation makes us live the act more profoundly, that is, it allows us truly to live it, not as public rite but as an underground ceremony. Humans initiate the complexity of animal sexuality and its graceful, terrible, and ferocious gestures because they want to return in a state of nature (p.17).” Although Nathalie declined to participate in such an “underground ceremony,” she did volunteer for the picnic and engaged in some form of erotic love while in nature. Consequently, as she later revealed, she became literally inflamed with passion when she initiated intercourse with her lover at a closed circus in Bordeaux, and in a bare tiger’s cage.

Growing up as a by-product of an Afro-Haitian-Christian-Vodounist culture with a penchant toward petit-bourgeois tendencies, and later, as an educated member of society, exposed to North American norms, beliefs, and laws, I constantly strive to achieve maximum personal freedom. Nevertheless, I am caught in most of society’s rules and certain contradictory behaviors that are embedded in my personal social philosophy. These contradictions impede what I perceive to be my own limitation in achieving an ultimate heterosexual freedom.

Like Shop Therapy, I embody many symbols that are particular to my psychological and cultural makeup. As I interact with similar or different personalities, I divulge a different item or aspect of my own personality. My complexities are embedded in my constant state of evolution and shifts in interests or needs. Like the sea, I must continually allow myself to unfurl and accept my debris as the natural course of life. My therapy will be to shop inside of my psyche to uncover more of my own contradictions.