caged
my skin is a lead bodysuit
and other than the hope
that it might crush me one day
it hides my vibrating bones
so that I am the only one
that feels them shaking
inside of me
when I can find the effort
every once and a while
to lift the weight of my lead hand
you’ll see I can hold it steady
but you won’t see my chest rising
or falling
eleven, six, one
eleven, six, one
jagged carvings along
tendons branching
morphing into makeshift veins
of scar tissue
eleven o’clock
striking matches
cauterizing ripples in time
burning sage with
seconds
six galleries
brushstrokes of razor blades
gentle and jealous
stand back
do not touch the artwork
one luxury
spa lasting sting
lavish salts
a soaking masterpiece, paint
lost sinews bare
one, six, eleven
lose count of the liters
lost down the drain
love thyself
loathe thyself
bones
there was a hole in the bottom of my left foot
skin and flesh were torn away
you could see straight through to the
bone
it happened sometime when i was with the other boy
but I don’t quite remember the details
there was an even smaller hole tucked behind my right ear
skin and flesh were torn away
revealing the smooth skull underneath
and hidden by my unwashed hair
that one happened before i could remember
i think from my dad?
that’s what my mom says at least
my dad says it was from the tramp who was fucking my mother
i don’t think i believe either of them
you had asked about the holes
asked how i got them
asked why i got them
got mad when i couldn’t give you the right answer
you grabbed my hands
begged me to tell you
and when i told you
i don’t know, babe, i just don’t know
you ripped your hands from mine
you stupid lying bitch
and with that
the skin and flesh where your hands touched mine
were torn away
all that was left were
bones
you apologized
the part of me that you held in your hands
absorbed into your skin
you grew half an inch that day
you bought me flowers
you told me you believed me
you touched me so lovingly i melted into you
i came home crying
weeks later?
months later?
hours later?
the man who sat next to me
the cubicle next to me
put his hand next to me
around me
on me
when i pulled back from him
skin and flesh were torn away
right off my upper thigh
you didn’t believe me again
didn’t believe when i said
he touched me
i didn’t want him to touch me
of course i did, according to you
of course i wanted a hole ripped through me
exposing the skeleton underneath
according to you
you grabbed my arm
you grabbed my neck
you grabbed my hair
each time
skin and flesh were torn away
when you let go of me
those pieces of my body became yours
you grew five inches that day
you bought me jewelry
you told me you loved me
you took my body to limits i didn’t know it could reach
you grew accustomed to your new height
you liked looking down on me,
where you couldn’t see
the decaying skeleton through my wounds
where all you could see
was the top of my head
every now and again you’ll touch me
and skin and flesh will tear away
my cheek
my wrist
my ribcage
and each time
you grew
each time
you bought me new clothes
to hide the imperfections
you told me it was my fault
i should take better care of myself
you made love to me
with more passion each time
until that too left me more tattered than i started
from your newfound height
you couldn’t see my open wounds
until you knelt down to my level
and realized the only skin i had left
rested on top of my shoulders
you placed your fingertips
on the only flesh i had left
told me
i can’t be with someone
who is so ripped apart
i need to find a person
who is as whole as i am
you walked off
the last of my
skin and flesh were torn away
and i stood there
looking at you
and all that was left of me were
bones