The sun is not shining at 3am when the phone rings
and I hear the doctor cut your cord to my dreams,
offering no suture, no receiving blanket.
The sun is working somewhere
dictating time with truth or dare while you are falling;
even the moon is hiding.
I am asked to confirm our agreement “no resuscitation,”
as you slide toward the blue end, the next road.
For 7 seconds I cover my head; counting,
feeling my bed ticking, clocking my mind.
Earlier – 4:30 pm – I had called you, as usual.
You had answered, sounding trapped without a key in a room full of trees,
looking for a sign of tracks.
You begged me to take you home.
No, I am a thousand miles away, I said.
In my heart branches snapped into kindling.
Before 3 am
the sun and the moon
were simply doing what they do,
up to their minute you searched, paced, stumbled, and fell.
I was awakened.
The sun and moon were laboring somewhere while bedtime stories unraveled.
Belief Beyond Seeing
beyond the walls of prenatal protection
and security of parental presence
milkweeds silently floated onto my backyard
and Monarch caterpillars ate them to survive
I became indifferent to division
only occasionally considering addition and subtraction
as I sat remarking my room
until thoughts of the absolute value of real numbers
drove me to open the curtain in front of the wood-framed window.
On the sill inside I discovered
several common house flies in repose.
first with the swatter then my finger,
I documented and deliberated.
Some appeared to stare out the window as if longing for a different perch
yet were prohibited by stiffened legs.
Some had been lucky enough to be partnered
but perhaps died immediately after doing the deed.
Some fell to the floor. Some fell apart.Some lodged in cracks.
Standing at a distance from zero,
I tried to resuscitate one
by blowing through a straw.
Did you realize you can hear more if you are not talking?
I grow deaf listening, anticipating reaction, like mice to cheese, cats to milk,
expecting relief, a welcome within a hurricane eye, a tire puncture, a knife’s withdrawal.
I observe you gain satisfaction after a full meal conversing
on a loop pickingat the newsbelching nodding
whitening your teeth.
I binge watch you, sort you self-soothe, peeling off scabs while I am
waiting to be noticedgrabbing at recycled wordsremembering
to replace the empty
toilet paper roll and
ponder whether the cleft in my chin directs profound thinking
battle my amygdala beyond fear’s contagion
admit not hearing every bite
prime courage to lure a new language
into this mastication.