See Table 1

by Chris Espenshade

table 1

It is argued that it is time to classify the compulsive need to hoard military-grade weapons and ammunition as a mental health issue that would preclude the said hoarding (see Table 1).

Table 1. Republican Party and Mental Health Issues.

Exemplar

Attributes

Jim “Twitchy” Johnson

Nathaniel Raymond Adams

Compulsive Behavior
Wearing aluminum foil skull cap to keep Them from reading his brainwaves.
Stockpiling military-grade weaponry and ammunition.
RE: The Constitution
1st Amendment assures his right to speak the truth about alien invasions, past and future.
2nd Amendment guarantees his right to amass weapons suited only for killing humans.
Irrational Fears
1) Alien invasions
2) Federal government has already been infiltrated.
1) Armed black men seeking white women to rape
2) Government abuse requiring an armed insurrection
3) Government seizing his arsenal
Psychological Evaluation
Delusional with mild paranoia. Not a threat to public safety.
Delusional with severe paranoia
Sense of personal power/worth relies on ever-increasing weapon ownership. May be a severe threat to the public safety.
Lobbies Feeding His Pathology
None
National Rifle Association
Arms manufacturers/retailers
Republican Political Response
“Needs to be under psychiatric care for the safety of our country. An intervention is clearly needed here.”
“A patriotic American” whose behavior is totally acceptable because “guns are just part of our culture.”
“A lover of our heritage”
“A sportsman”
Republican Political Calculation
Probably can’t find the polls
A rabid one-issue voter
Political Campaigns
No politician poses wearing an aluminum foil cap.
Many Republicans pose with weapons and reinforce hoarders’ irrational fears.
Behavior When He Snaps
Shows up in his pajamas and foil hat at house of Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Murders 26 people
About the Author

Chris Espenshade

Chris Espenshade has been a professional archaeologist for 33 years. He has written one book, chapters for edited volumes, journal articles, and 1,000+ technical reports on archaeology. Beginning in 2017, he branched into creative writing. He has had works published or accepted for publication by The Paragon Journal, The RavensPerch, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature (twice), The Raven Chronicles’ Journal, and Georgia Outdoors News. He lives in Corning, New York.